It has been almost a year since i last posted anything. I appreciate all the love and messages i have received over my various social media platforms that has been nothing but encouraging and urging me to start writing (or typing) again. Well, here i am. Starting again.
I guess one could say that there has been an amazing amount of changes that has taken place in my life and Kiara's too, if i may add. So much that i don't quite know where to even begin to tell.
To get the ball rolling, i should just put it out there that yes, if you have heard the whispers, they are true. About half a year ago, i decided that it would be best for me to move forward and thus i am a single mom now. Kiara's father and i still do our very best to be awesome parents to K and that is all that really matters. Don't over read my words here, or over analyse it, it's exactly as you read it. Still being the very best we can be to our child, just doing it separately.
As with all break-ups, there is bound to be some sort of bitterness that comes with it. And for a while we just could not speak to one another. And if i am being honest, it will continue to be for a long while..i mean, we speak. We do, but it doesn't always go down well. Guess it will take us a long while till we can even be properly civil. By a long while, i reckon a couple of years.
I would say the first couple of months was very tough for me, I don't know how many times exactly i had broken down and cried. Cried so much that sometimes i just had no more tears. As much as it was my decision to leave, that doesn't mean that i can't cry. I mourned the relationship that was at it's last leg. I did spend 4 years with someone. That's not like a century but it is a long time with someone. You cry for it, mourn for it then you lift your head up high and move forward.
I'm thankful that my parents asked no questions when i came knocking on their door with Kiara and a bag full of clothes in hand. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that whatever it is, my parents always had my back.
Upon moving out, i had to scramble to find a job and FAST. I had been a stay-home mom since the day Kiara was born so financially, i was quite (i mean, fully) dependant on my ex. I thank my friends that sent the word out and i got a job pretty quickly. I think that's probably one of the downfalls of being a stayhome mom, because once the shit hits the fan, its us who scramble to even try and stand up again. But that does not mean it is impossible. Everything IS possible.
Speaking from experience, there are going to be times when you feel like you just can't do it. You just can't get up and try. I can not even tell you the amount of days i felt like a failure and struggled with accepting the fact that, 'hey, i have no money, i don't know how i am going to start making money, take care of my baby, own/rent a house, pay for bills, buy milk and diapers, put food on the table'. It IS a very scary thought. It isn't so scary when it's just me. If you have been following my blog for some years now, you would know that i wrote somewhere that i moved out of my family home at 18. So taking care of myself isn't a big deal, that, i can do. Doesn't matter if i have to survive on $10 a day. But when you have a little person, that changes the whole game plan.
Honestly, i couldn't have gotten out of that little place i was in if it wasn't for my parents and godfather (who is pretty much my father too). I am VERY lucky to have such amazing parents. I know some friends who do not have the support system that i have, so i know exactly HOW lucky i am. Not only do i have an amazing support system at home, i have an even more amazing support system with my friends who all came together and listened and gave me the support i needed. I remember one of my girlfriend's who spoke to me on the phone immediately said after i told her about the news, "Babe, send me your resume, i'll help find you a job, do you have anywhere to stay? Let me see what i can do, do you need money? Don't be shy to ask me, i will give you what i can". And another girlfriend who i never really was ever close to but kept up with me over facebook messages (she lives overseas) and when i thanked her for the love and support even from way over there, she replied, "You've been really nice and an inspiration and help to many. It's the universe's way of sending back what you give. " I can not be anymore blessed than i am. It's these little things that helped me to be a little stronger day by day.
I know i look like a real tough cookie. And trust me, i AM. But i am also human. I do break. I do get hurt. I do cry.
But the biggest push i get everyday, is the little smiles, giggles and hugs i get from my little girl. No one exactly understands the bond between mother and child. It's such an amazing bond! The days i cried and every single time, if Kiara saw, she would run up to me and just hug and give me kisses. It's amazing how connected a she is emotionally to me. She's the main reason why i can stand up and get my life on track again. Because i must be the absolute best that i can be, for her. Not for anyone else. And i am on my way to that. I'm not tooting my own horn, but i am a great mom. I do what i can and more if i can, for her.
So if you are reading this and somehow find yourself relating to what i had gone through, don't fret. It is not the end of the world. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, that tunnel is gonna be a long damn tunnel. But you will get there. And please, mommy friends, if you are a stay-home mom, find a way to get some income too. Work part-time, open a blogshop, sell cakes. Do something. So what ever happens at least you have some back-up for rainy days money.
One thing i have learned from this whole experience; that you get up and try. I have taught Kiara to count to 20, sing the alphabets, sing some nursery rhymes, boggie down to old skool music, say her 'please' and 'thank yous' and the names of her parents, grandparents and what have yous. But nothing comes close to what she teaches me in return. That if you fall down, you cry for a bit, then you stand up, brush off the dirt, get someone to kiss it better and start doing what you were doing. Kids always stand up and keep doing what they were doing, no matter how big the bruise.
So really, it's not just what you teach your children. The lessons are what your children teach you.
I guess one could say that there has been an amazing amount of changes that has taken place in my life and Kiara's too, if i may add. So much that i don't quite know where to even begin to tell.
To get the ball rolling, i should just put it out there that yes, if you have heard the whispers, they are true. About half a year ago, i decided that it would be best for me to move forward and thus i am a single mom now. Kiara's father and i still do our very best to be awesome parents to K and that is all that really matters. Don't over read my words here, or over analyse it, it's exactly as you read it. Still being the very best we can be to our child, just doing it separately.
As with all break-ups, there is bound to be some sort of bitterness that comes with it. And for a while we just could not speak to one another. And if i am being honest, it will continue to be for a long while..i mean, we speak. We do, but it doesn't always go down well. Guess it will take us a long while till we can even be properly civil. By a long while, i reckon a couple of years.
I would say the first couple of months was very tough for me, I don't know how many times exactly i had broken down and cried. Cried so much that sometimes i just had no more tears. As much as it was my decision to leave, that doesn't mean that i can't cry. I mourned the relationship that was at it's last leg. I did spend 4 years with someone. That's not like a century but it is a long time with someone. You cry for it, mourn for it then you lift your head up high and move forward.
I'm thankful that my parents asked no questions when i came knocking on their door with Kiara and a bag full of clothes in hand. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that whatever it is, my parents always had my back.
Upon moving out, i had to scramble to find a job and FAST. I had been a stay-home mom since the day Kiara was born so financially, i was quite (i mean, fully) dependant on my ex. I thank my friends that sent the word out and i got a job pretty quickly. I think that's probably one of the downfalls of being a stayhome mom, because once the shit hits the fan, its us who scramble to even try and stand up again. But that does not mean it is impossible. Everything IS possible.
Speaking from experience, there are going to be times when you feel like you just can't do it. You just can't get up and try. I can not even tell you the amount of days i felt like a failure and struggled with accepting the fact that, 'hey, i have no money, i don't know how i am going to start making money, take care of my baby, own/rent a house, pay for bills, buy milk and diapers, put food on the table'. It IS a very scary thought. It isn't so scary when it's just me. If you have been following my blog for some years now, you would know that i wrote somewhere that i moved out of my family home at 18. So taking care of myself isn't a big deal, that, i can do. Doesn't matter if i have to survive on $10 a day. But when you have a little person, that changes the whole game plan.
Honestly, i couldn't have gotten out of that little place i was in if it wasn't for my parents and godfather (who is pretty much my father too). I am VERY lucky to have such amazing parents. I know some friends who do not have the support system that i have, so i know exactly HOW lucky i am. Not only do i have an amazing support system at home, i have an even more amazing support system with my friends who all came together and listened and gave me the support i needed. I remember one of my girlfriend's who spoke to me on the phone immediately said after i told her about the news, "Babe, send me your resume, i'll help find you a job, do you have anywhere to stay? Let me see what i can do, do you need money? Don't be shy to ask me, i will give you what i can". And another girlfriend who i never really was ever close to but kept up with me over facebook messages (she lives overseas) and when i thanked her for the love and support even from way over there, she replied, "You've been really nice and an inspiration and help to many. It's the universe's way of sending back what you give. " I can not be anymore blessed than i am. It's these little things that helped me to be a little stronger day by day.
I know i look like a real tough cookie. And trust me, i AM. But i am also human. I do break. I do get hurt. I do cry.
But the biggest push i get everyday, is the little smiles, giggles and hugs i get from my little girl. No one exactly understands the bond between mother and child. It's such an amazing bond! The days i cried and every single time, if Kiara saw, she would run up to me and just hug and give me kisses. It's amazing how connected a she is emotionally to me. She's the main reason why i can stand up and get my life on track again. Because i must be the absolute best that i can be, for her. Not for anyone else. And i am on my way to that. I'm not tooting my own horn, but i am a great mom. I do what i can and more if i can, for her.
So if you are reading this and somehow find yourself relating to what i had gone through, don't fret. It is not the end of the world. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, that tunnel is gonna be a long damn tunnel. But you will get there. And please, mommy friends, if you are a stay-home mom, find a way to get some income too. Work part-time, open a blogshop, sell cakes. Do something. So what ever happens at least you have some back-up for rainy days money.
One thing i have learned from this whole experience; that you get up and try. I have taught Kiara to count to 20, sing the alphabets, sing some nursery rhymes, boggie down to old skool music, say her 'please' and 'thank yous' and the names of her parents, grandparents and what have yous. But nothing comes close to what she teaches me in return. That if you fall down, you cry for a bit, then you stand up, brush off the dirt, get someone to kiss it better and start doing what you were doing. Kids always stand up and keep doing what they were doing, no matter how big the bruise.
So really, it's not just what you teach your children. The lessons are what your children teach you.
Just you and me babygirl.
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