Be your own woman.

I've been meaning to pen this down for a while. Something rather nasty happened to me over New Years which should not have happened, but it did.

Lets just say that i was told by a man (not my boyfriend, for if he said such a thing we wouldn't be together)  that "Women need to be women - and you are not". He went on to tell me something along the lines that the Man IS the man of the house. And i don't know if what he meant was that i should bow down and let a man do whatever in the household but that was how it sounded like to me.

Now, for people who know me - they know i'm a very strong woman. I have had a pretty tough time growing up. Even harder paving my way through life. And the biggest change came when i had my beautiful daughter. But some how, i have pushed through and i can safely say - i'm in a good position in my life now. It WILL only get better.

Prior to having my kid, i did not have much working experience. Yes, i worked in the F&B industry for a while (who doesn't in their late teens?) Then i moved into modelling which i did for years. I also had a short stint working in a hotel. But that was about all the working experience i had. Then i had Kiara and remained a stay at home mum for about 2 years. Those were the best years - seeing the little things Kiara could do and learned how to do was just amazing. I am very lucky to have been able to be by her side through it all. But when the spilt came between her dad and i, times were tough. I struggled with how i was going to find money? How was i going to be able to earn enough to put food on the table? How was i going to start any job with little or no experience??

I had a good friend who decided to bring me on board his start-up business. And i worked on it for close to a year. That was also my first sales job. But money wasn't that great - i had barely enough to cover costs. So i asked around..anyone who was hiring, let me know. And with the help of a friend (who's now a woman i couldn't live my life without..you know who you are.) i managed to get a job at a bigger sales company. Trust me - i didn't want to do sales. It wasn't something i planned for myself. I somehow landed into it. Perhaps it was fate because i can't imagine not doing sales. :)

With that job, which gave me nightmares to the point i would wake up at 4am on the dot every day for fear of missing an important call/meeting etc. But it gave me more stability. I could suddenly afford better things. I could afford putting Kiara in a good pre-school. (Of course i did this together with her dad, but without this job, it wouldn't have been possible for me to afford it) I had the best year working in that company with such an amazing team. Today i stand in a new company. Needless to say - i've managed to get a bigger position and definitely a bigger paycheque.

With that said - what i am trying to get at is. I HAVE WORKED HARD FOR THIS. ME. NOT ANYONE ELSE. Yes, i have had help to push me in the right direction. Help to mould me to be a better salesperson. But without hard work - it gets you no where. I did this. Me. I didn't need a man to help me. I didn't have a man to depend on. I just had me, myself & i. I did not have this 'man of the house' that helped take the burden off my shoulders. Neither did i have a man who supported me financially during this period. I sent my daughter to school almost everyday. I picked her up. I rushed home and made dinner for us before i tucked her into bed, did house chores and packed both our bags for the next day at work/school. And i didn't have anyone else to depend on but myself.

So my point is - what do you mean women need to be women? Because am i not woman enough? Or does my independence scare you? That men who think that way, need a submissive woman. Because i will not and will never ever be that woman. I do not believe one sex is better than the other. In this day and age, women do just as much as men, if not more. I have managed to be a mother, a friend, have a career and now be a girlfriend to someone. I've managed to juggle it well.

So i write this because it is not that women need to be women. WOMEN NEED TO BE THEIR OWN WOMAN. Because shit happens as it does all the time. And when the shit hits the fan, you have no one but yourself to depend on. A lot of people don't know this, but i was raised by a man. My Godfather is the biggest reason i am this woman today.

And i will raise my daughter the same way. Work hard, earn your own money. And make sure you did it on your own. So you never owe anyone anything. And when it is time to fall in love or marry, don't marry a man because of his money. You have your own money - a man is not an ATM machine. Be strong and independent. Let a man fall inlove with the woman that you are. That he knows for a fact that in tough times, you wouldn't crumble. That you'd push through. That if he ever saw you cry, he was a lucky man to see your soft side. He would admire and love such an amazing character without a doubt. And if you met a man, like the man above who told me women need to be women, they are intimidated. For they will never be able to handle women like us.

So i say this, as a woman raised by a man - you do not have to depend on a man.  For you are woman. You are strong and damn it, you are amazing. And most of all - you can do it on your own.

I know i have.